::sigh:: Not much going on really. Yesterday my 'kachan, Eternal Phoenix and Nova took me out to the mall. It was cool. I bought the second Niea_7 DVD . . . and got me some boba milk tea. Yummy! Then we went and watched "The Matrix" (dun't laugh at me, it's not my fault I've never seen it!) and "The Mummy 2" (ew, bugs! ::hides::). Microwave popcorn and boba milk tea are a nice "diversion." But of course, that lasted all of ten minutes . . . then I was back to feeling all sad again. ::sigh::

Today work was bad. I thought it was bad, dun't give me that look, Nova! o.-! The worst thing was that I spilled something on someone I was serving. Granted it was on her back and she didn't notice. But I was still pretty embarrassed. Everything worked out though. She wasn't mad at all and I didn't get in trouble for it. But since the past (going on) three weeks of my life have been so terribly horrible . . . that was the last thing I needed. I almost started crying at work. ;_;.

Tomorrow is supposed to be an Envision meeting. But before that, Nova invited me to go ice skating. I dunno if I will . . . I mean, I can't even rollerskate . . . and I tend to fall a lot . . . so I'm still debating whether or not to go . . . ::sigh::

Here's the top 7 quotes of the day for y'all, just 'cause I enjoy 'em so much:

7. Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

6. You can only go as far as you push.

5. When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

4. Good friends are like stars. . . You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

3. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

2. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

1. Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Made a new friend today. Konnichiwa Ha-san! Ogenki desu ka? ^.^! Ha-san's cool . . . into anime, just like me . . . overheard a conversation about Kenshin and then boom! Ha-san's very nice. We've already talked about swapping anime. I can't wait to borrow Love Hina! ^.^v! I'm lookin' forward to watching it! New anime! Woo hoo!

Other than that . . . not much to report . . . things have been slow and well . . . bad to say the least . . . but for a while things were actually okay. It's like a rollercoaster. Damn, I hate jet-coasters.

G'dammit, I'm so tired of crying . . . but today I actually found something that I missed . . . I missed Japanese . . . and once I got back into it, I realized maybe it was time for me to go back to it again. 'cause when I did, I actually met a lot of cool people . . . Suzuki-san . . . Ha-san . . . I missed Japanese . . . I'm glad I decided to go back for a visit . . .

Well, I have to work tomorrow . . . and Saturday too . . . joy . . . ::sigh:: Sometimes working sucks. But I'm forcing myself to get back into the swing of things . . . Hopefully it'll make me feel better. At least, that's what I'm hoping . . .

These updates are still colorless . . . 1. 'cause I'm still down, 2. 'cause I'm lazy, 3. 'cause I don't want to go to all the trouble to play with the colors at the moment. Don't worry, the colors will return soon.

Changed the webcam pic for me . . . and Envision. ::sigh:: Check 'em out if you want.

I'm tired. I'm going to go sleep or something . . . oyasumi.

Some people are telling me not to get my hopes up about things. Damn, I'm not allowed to be upbeat? Well . . . I know they're only trying to keep me from falling into another devistating depression the next time something terrible happens . . . But still . . . am I supposed to just go around expecting bad things to happen?

I have hope. But it's not the hope that "this thing" or "that thing" will happen . . . but the hope that in the end everything will be okay. I know, it's kinda dorky to hope for something like that . . . but hey, at least it's making me able to eat food and keep myself alive.

It's stupid . . . I think about things and I feel better . . . and then I talk to people and I feel all bad . . . o.O! What's that all about? Jus' leave me alone with my thoughts and I'll be fine . . .

Anyhow, I'm supposedly going to see Nova and Enkou today. Just to hang out and stuff. Thank goodness something to do! It's been really boring lately. So boring that yesterday I actually cleaned my room 'cause I had nothing to do. -_-;! What's that all about?

So yeah . . . my back hurts. I think I'm gonna go lay down and eat some Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Oh, yeah. Read the update below 'cause I don't think I actually uploaded it ever.

G'morning, how're you all doing? Me? I'm surprisingly better. Right now I'm actually feeling . . . apart of the human race . . . I haven't felt like that in at least two weeks . . . but now that I look at it, perhaps it was longer than that. The spark and excitement and specialness is slowly starting to come back to my life . . . and I sincerely hope it continues to do so . . . Just one day at a time . . . one step at a time . . .

The Envision meeting yesterday was . . . not a meeting . . . again. -_-;! Nova and I met later (I went out to eat with Enkou's family) . . . and Enkou was at home (previous engagement prevented his presence at lunch . . . so we called Shougo, and knowing his lag, we made him a deal. Get Enkou over here and we won't make you come to the meeting. And so, it was done. ^.^! Otaku In Training was MIA all weekend.

Otaku In Training, if you're reading this, call your poor father! He's worried sick about you! He's been emailing you and everything! Yesterday he drove around several schools trying to find the speech tournament you were at. He's worried. Call him.

So we didn't have a meeting . . . but next week . . . next week I'll get everyone . . . and we'll have the meeting we haven't had in two weeks. ^.^;;;;;!

Black Cherry Icees taste really weird. o.O! But they turn your teeth and your tongue black . . . which is kinda fun . . . ::giggles::

Well, I'm supposed to be going into work today . . . just to play with the little kids and visit my old coworkers . . . no job today, I don't feel up to it . . . I should get ready . . . well, I have more than an hour to get there . . . But I should at least try to get food in my stomach. For some weird reason, ever since the onset of my depression, breakfast causes the most problems for me . . . I can eat things but only if they aren't breakfast items. No buttered toast. No cereal. No bagels (I never liked them anyway). Corndogs and burritos are fine though. o.O? Weird ne?

No colors right now. Too tired. Too lazy . . .

Today I went and spent the entire day at the 12th Annual Jimmy Kim Tae Kwon Do Championships . . . ::sighs:: What a long day. It was cool though . . . especially 'cause I got to root on my ototou. He won too. I was really proud of him. ^.^v!

And seeing all those people in their uniforms and stuff . . . and thinking about how utterly and totally depressed I've been for the past few weeks . . . I decided I should get out and do stuff to force myself to feel better . . . so I decided to go back into the martial arts. I mean, I only have a little bit longer to go 'til I get my black belt . . . (I quit due to a leg injury a while ago). We'll see what happens.

There was this lady at the tournament and I swear she pissed me off so badly! Yes, faker woman in the wheelchair, you so were asking for me to sock you in the face . . . Her scoring was terrible. And it came down to the uniforms. If you had "JKTC" on your back, you could almost expect to get an 8 from her, no problem. Didn't matter if you sucked ass . . . and people who worked their asses off to get a good mark like my ototou did . . . got a freakin' 6! WTF?!? She did that the whole time. It was so damn annoying! And half the time she didn't even use her wheelchair . . . I'm sorry lady, but after that terrible unfairness, I so did not feel sorry for your "bum" leg.

And now for some random search engine entries that posted my site in it's results:

"Everything is so sticky but it's okay" -- Is it now? Um . . . what was trying to be found here exactly? o.O?

"Orphen yaoi/hentai Orphen" -- So many people have searched for this . . . geez, Orphen must be popular . . .

"Yaoi escaflowne" -- I have no yaoi here!

"DDR memory explaination" -- I'd also like to find someone to explain to me the memory of DDR . . . o.O?

"Sucked toes big trouble" -- Having toes sucked has a tendency to do that now and then, y'know . . . Sounds like the next "Crouching Tiger" flick!

"Oyasumi nasai" -- Goodnight to you too? o.O?
 

"Do Hitomi and Van ever make love to each other" -- Probably but is it any business of yours?

"Free pics true love hentai game" -- ::falls over:: This is not Hitomi's House of Hentai for the last time. You will not find hentai or any games having to do with ecchiness here!

"Handy dandy yaoi" -- Again with the yaoi!

"Hitomi Escaflowne hentai/Hitomi and Van hentai stories" -- What kind of a person do you think I am? I wouldn't put up stuff like that 'cause this is an area for all fans . . .

"Hitomi 'I am'" -- No, technically I am . . .

"BURNING RAIN" -- Yes, it is raining around here. And yes, it happens to burn. Burn with insanity!

Well, I'm off to sleep. I'm so exhausted. ::falls over::

Ohayo minna-sama . . . well, here I am . . . typing . . . eating a corndog (hey, I consider that a breakfast food, dammit) . . . downing some Cherry Pepsi . . . getting ready to go over to Ass-Kickin' Jupi's at 11 . . .

I've never mentioned Jupi before. Yeah, back in the day me and a close friend of mine were really into Sailor Moon. ^.^;. Where do you think the Sailormoon page came from . . . ? Well . . . she helped inspire my Sailormoon insanity back then . . . We both had nicknames. She was Jupiter . . . which affectionately became Ass-Kickin' Jupi after I read the SuperS manga . . . and I was . . . ::cough:: Small Lady . . . Alright, so I like Chibi-Usa! What's wrong with that?!?

I'm gonna talk with Jupi and see if it'll be alright if I post our ultra-huge-year-long-in-the-making-coauthored-crossover fic here in the Sailormoon section . . . Or at the very least, revise it and post it. Coauthored fics are really fun . . . Insanity at it's peak.

Hey Jupi, welcome to the page. And all other people who are new visitors! Welcome! And no, we do not have any "handy dandy hentai" so don't ask . . . Why in the world does the stupid search engine produce my results for that? I should put up all the crazy things I've been listed for . . .

::falls over:: And no, for the last time, we have no Orphen yaoi! ::piku:: This is not Hitomi's House of Hentai. ::falls over again:: -_-;!

Redid my webcam piccie. I got bored this morning and wanted to kill some time. ^.^;. And boy did I kill time . . . The pic kept coming out wrong so I played with a few features and . . . thus my new webcam piccie was born.

Anyhow, I'm off to upload this bloggie . . . ::sighs:: Animagic sounded like fun . . . I wish I had gone. Oh well! There's always next year!

And oh . . . by the way . . . I didn't announce this on the Envision page but . . . Envision's already got a space in Anime Expo 2002'smasquerade competition. If you want a spot, better run over to AX's site and register online now. 'cause Almost half of the avaliable spaces are already filled up. Good luck!

I'm off to Jupi's! See you all!

It's finished! Bwahahahahaha! ::collapses:: Okay, gomen . . . ::gets back up, dusting herself off:: The Envision revamp is finally done! Hurrah! I don't feel so much like a lazy manager anymore!

Go check out the new site. It's all new . . . new colors, new themes, new pics . . . the whole enchilada!

So anyway . . . I had a really bad day today . . . Everything was just going wrong. I think this situation sums up my day: I was playing piano in a private room (there's a collection of rooms in the hall I go to) . . . I was really frustrated with "Moonlight Sonata" and so I started playing it by pounding the keys . . . Then I hear these two people passing by and this really loud girl says to her companion, "Gawd, it sounds like someone's being exorcised in there!"

::falls over:: Thanks alot . . . so my playing sounds like it could inspire demons to release their hold on innocent souls? Great . . . that's always what I've been striving for . . . NOT! Damn! Have some consideration for a girl who's been having one of the shittiest weeks of her life!

Oh yeah . . . I'm feeling much better now. I actually have color in my face today. Two days ago I was so pale . . . -_- . . . I almost looked like I did that time I almost died . . . o.O! But I feel better now . . .

Anyhow . . . got a few quotes for you all. Just because I feel like it . . .

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." -- Ayn Rand

"Immature love says "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you." -- Erich Fromm

"Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it." -- Keiichi Morisata

Amen. That's all for this update. Ja matta minna-sama.

Omg . . . I'm so sick . . . ::falls over:: Yesterday I went to sleep at 12:30a (which actually classifies as this morning) and got up at 4:30a being all sick. ;_; . . . I have no energy . . . I barely made it over to the computer here to blog . . .

I've been sleeping on and off all morning . . . bleh . . . I'm so sick . . .

The bishonen think I have the flu . . . I think it's either that or the fact that I haven't had the stomach to eat well enough lately. Hey, not all of that starvation was by choice! Most of it was due to the fact that I felt like being sick everytime I even looked at food . . .

Calm down . . . I'll be okay . . . I have the day off today . . . and I'll take more resting time tomorrow . . . and then I'll be okay . . .

Everything will be okay . . . I just gotta keep telling myself that . . . and eventually it'll happen . . . right?

Well, that's about it for this update. I'm going to go force myself to eat more and drink some water . . . then I think I'll watch the Star Trek: the Next Generation marathon for a while . . . or sleep . . . depending on how I feel . . . Jaa~!

Things are . . . different now . . . yet still the same, but not . . . The only thing is, I'm relatively okay now. I'm eating (my friends are actually using food as a type of blackmail with me . . . so I'm forced to eat no matter what) and I don't feel sick.

I guess it took losing practically everything to make me realize what I had . . . and how I took it all for granted. I don't want to do that again. Those were just about the worst four hours of my life . . . But then things were okay again.

But Enkou, I still want that hammer . . . ::gives him the puppy dog face:: Please?

And by the way, otanjoubi gozaimasu (happy birthday) Nova!

Otaku In Training, arigatou gozaimasu for all your help yesterday. I really appreciate the cheer up speech you gave me. It really forced me to look at everything in a new light. I'm not alone. Not with friends like you. ^.^!

Last night I made a wish on a shooting star. It was either a shooting star or a missile from an unidentiable aircraft. But I didn't hear an explosion, so my guess is that it was a shooting star. I've never seen a shooting star before. It was pretty magical though . . . You simply have to wish on a shooting star if you see one. They're special. They can do magical things.

Well . . . like I said, things are still kinda the same in my life. But, I understand more of what's going on . . . and in some weird way, I'm pretty okay with it at the moment . . . Again, losing things causes you to rethink everything.

Heaven help me not to take things for granted this time around.

Shooting star, please continue to keep making my wish come true.

Until next update, take it easy minna-sama!