Shinjitsu
(Truth)

Well, this is hands down the mushiest thing I've ever written. I know that's way out of the norm for me but I'm trying out different styles. So I hope you enjoy this.  This is after the end of the series. Hitomi's point of view is in pink. Van's is in blue. I hope you also enjoy the fanart. Don't steal it, onegai shimasu! You know how mad I'll be if you do.

Author: Hitomi-sama
E-mail: Hitomi_sama@hotmail.com

I've lied to myself for so long, I can no longer do so. As I sit here, looking up at the moonlit sky, I wonder just what compelled me to bury the truth deep within my heart. What was I so afraid of that I had to deny my own feelings even to myself?

What would've happened if I hadn't pretended the truth was something entirely different? Would I be there, in Gaea, with you right this very second?

I can still see your smile as I was rendered weightless and spirited back to Earth. How the corners of your lips were upturned only slightly . . . and your eyes . . . they looked to be giving me a sort of unspoken strength . . . but, I couldn't see if there were tears in your eyes too . . . I could barely see through my own . . .

Are you still on Gaea looking up at me? If I could see Gaea . . . I would be looking up at you. I still do, even though I have no real idea where in the sky it's located. I don't care. I would stand in my window until the end of the world looking up at the sky if there was even a promise of being able to see Gaea again.

I never wanted to admit it to myself . . . I've been lying to myself the entire time . . . right from the start . . . I thought I was being foolish, but . . . now I know . . . I can see it now that we are so painfully far away from each other. I really do love you, Van. That's the real truth, not the one I've been trying to convince myself of.

Perhaps I was scared . . . maybe that's why I didn't tell you . . . didn't argue with you when you sent me away . . .

Why did you send me back here? Is it because this is my home? What is a home without a heart? A home should be a place filled with happiness and love . . . here is just the place I was born. Though my family is here, I ache to be with you. I would miss my mother and father, and yes even my little brother endlessly if I were to leave them . . . but that pain doesn't compare with the pain I feel right now, missing you . . .

I cry each night, trying to remember how it felt to be in your arms. There's pain in my soul each time I recall how my skin burned each time you touched me or how my heart flew whenever I saw you. My body aches each time I try to imagine your soft lips brushing gently against mine. As I realize the truth, my heart breaks.

I should have told you how I felt . . . but I was scared . . .

I should have showed you how much you meant to me . . . but I was scared . . .

I want so much to see you again and tell you everything in my heart . . . but I'm scared . . . I'm scared you won't want to see me . . . and won't want to hear me . . .

I'm scared that I'm too late . . .

I was scared of the truth then and I'm scared of it even more now. The truth may be that you've moved on . . . without me by your side, or even in your heart.

I'd let go of everything I have just to be with you . . . my family, my friends, my world, everything I hold dear . . . I would risk losing it all, just for you. You mean more to me than anything in the world.

I know now what I refused to realize then. You are the one for me. I didn't want to see it. I was too young and too scared at the time. Everything was happening so fast. I was only fifteen. How could I accept such a life altering notion at such an age? I accept it . . . now. But is now too late?

Right now I'm clinging onto my feelings as though my life depended on it. Perhaps some how . . . some way . . . my feelings . . . my truth . . . will find a way to transcend space and reach you. I wish with all my heart that I can reach you, Van.

I need you, Van.

I love you, Van.

Van, I want to be with you forever.

Van . . . can you hear me?

Can you feel the feelings I have?

Can you feel all I love I hold for you in my heart?

Can you see the truth I hold? It's different now . . . and I swear this is the truth.

****

I've lied to myself for so long, I can no longer do so. As I sit here, looking up at the sky that holds the Mystic Moon, I wonder just what compelled me to bury the truth deep within my heart. What was I so afraid of that I had to deny my own feelings even to myself?

What would've happened if I hadn't pretended the truth was something entirely different? Would you be here, in Gaea, with me right this very second? . . .

****

I could hear you as I thought . . .

You could . . . ?

Yes . . .

And . . . ?

Our thoughts are parallel . . .

You feel the same way then . . .

In reality . . .

We do hold . . .

The same . . .

Truth . . .

It's not . . .

Too late. . .

I love you. . .

I love you,too . . .

Spend forever with me . . .

If you'll have me . . .

Two people . . .

One heart . . .

One truth . . .

The End

(c) Copyright Hitomi-sama  { 05.29.01 }


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Layout, content, etc. (c) Hitomi-sama 2001. Anime, characters, plots, etc. (c) their respective owners.