ASK THE DRAGON SLAYERS
Gomen for the lame title. We couldn't decide on a decent one. Have any
ideas? We'd love to hear them! But most importantly we're here to
answer some of your questions. That's right, your questions. So submit
them and we'll pick one every two weeks to respond to in our biweekly
advice column!

Dallet: (picking up a package of Hitomi's half eaten carrots) "Nani?"

Shesta: "Does Hitomi-sama ever finish anything?" (holds out his hand)
"Ne, let me take them to her."

Dallet: (looking intently at the nutrition label on the back of the 
package) "I wanna see this first. Besides, I don't see why you need to
take them to Hitomi-sama. There's gotta be a reason she left them here
in the first place."

Miguel: "Oh, the carrots. They go much better with ranch dressing.
Hitomi-sama ran off to find some to smother them in."

Dallet: (suddenly bursting out in laughter) "I can't believe it
actually says that! No way!"

Viole: "Nani? What's so funny?"

Dallet: (pointing to the carrot bag) "These are carrots, right?"

Shesta: "Duh."

Dallet: "You know they're carrots."

Viole: "Hai, baka. What's your point?"

Dallet: "Is it necessary to list the ingredients of a carrot bag when
the only thing in it is carrots?"

Miguel: "Lemme see that. It doesn't say . . . (begins to chuckle) I
don't believe it. How dumb is that?!? High quality baby carrots.
Ingredients: carrots."

Gatti: (coming in and sitting down with a very official air about him)
"Hitomi-sama told me it's time for the advice column. She also says to
send Shesta with her carrots."

Shesta: (running away) "Hai!"

Dallet: "My advice to all of you out there. Don't eat food that comes
in stupid packages labeled for bakas, ne?"

Gatti: (ignoring Dallet) "Ne, Studio Unmei hasn't been open long enough
to have any questions submitted, has it?"

Miguel: (scrolls down on the computer) "Look, there's one!"

Gatti: (confused) "Uh . . . okay . . . lemme see . . . the e-mail
reads: 'Dear Slayers, I have a little problem that I'd like your advice
on.' Well, that's what we're here for pal. 'What should someone do if
they happen to really like the person they work for?' Uh . . ."

Dallet: (snatching a Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon manga from Miguel)
"Tell them how you feel and hope you don't get slapped in the face."
(flips through several pages and pauses to drool over a half page
spread of Sailor Jupiter)

Gatti: "The person goes on to say, 'I've tried several times to tell
Hit . . .  I mean, her, just how I feel . . .' Oh, it's a guy . . ."

Viole: (stroking his chin and adopting the voice of an old European
psychologist) "Interesting."

Gatti: "He says, 'I try to tell her how I feel but she beats the living
daylights out of me . . .'"

::Miguel turns on Hitomi's Two Mix CD onto the song called "LIVING
DAYLIGHTS"::

Gatti: "How sad . . . 'I also get teased a lot by the guys I work with.
They all call me names and say I'm just a stupid little boy.'"

Guimel: (laughing and talking to the e-mailer who sent the question)
"Don't worry, we have the same problem over here. I suppose it happens
everywhere, ne?"

Gatti: "That's true. What should you do? For one, stand up to everyone
who's teasing you. You don't deserve to be teased and they probably
don't know that they're hurting your feelings."

Viole: (mumbling) "Sounds like a real wuss."

Miguel: "Viole! Shut your mouth!"

Gatti: "As for the girl you like . . . I'd say . . . either get a
different approach or get lots and lots of bandages."

Viole: "They're having a sale on medical tape and splints at the corner
store."

Dallet: (snapping out of his senshi haze to briefly comment on the last
half of the conversation he managed to hear through his Bishoujo Senshi
trance) "Sounds like Hitomi-sama."

Miguel: (crossing his arms and sighing as he puts his feet up on the
table and recalls fond memories) "Hontoo. Someone with a real fiery
spirit yet . . . lovable . . ."

Viole: "Fiery isn't the word I'd use with Hitomi-sama. It's too mild.
Inferno sounds more like it."

Gatti: "It's hard feeling so strongly toward someone you work for."

Miguel: (slightly raises his eyebrows but doesn't appear shocked)
"Speaking from experience there, ne?"

Gatti (trying to fight off a mild case of the blushes) "Demo . . .
you should . . ." (pauses as he examines the e-mail address of the
writer) "You should find yourself someone else to like because she is
way out of your league, SHESTA!"

Shesta: (from the other room) "NANI?!!?"

Viole: "I knew it! It was written by a wuss!"

Dallet: (puts the manga down) "Here we go again . . . Shesta gets love
sick, Slayers go nuts, Hitomi-sama gets mad and starts  setting things
on fire, I'm left picking up the ashes instead of watching Bishoujo
Senshi Sailormoon that's (glances at his watch) on in five minutes!"
(rushes off and flips on the television)

Gatti: Shesta, give it up. Hitomi-sama doesn't like you.

Viole: "And we aren't going to quit picking on you, small fry. You're
too fun to bug."

Shesta: (whispering to himself as he snaps his fingers for emphasis)
"And I was this close to getting away with it too. Shoot."

Gatti: "How did you ever think you were going to get away with that?"

Miguel: "Kid, that was pathetic."

Viole: "I say we teach him a little lesson."

::All the Slayers approach Shesta with evil glimmers in their eyes::

Shesta: (screaming like a girl and running away) "HITOMI-SAMA!!!"

::Everyone rushes by Hitomi's room. She watches as Shesta flees from a
perturbed Gatti, a homicidal Viole who clutches a mallet, Guimel who is
currently cheering them all on, and a way-too-happy-about-it-to-be-sane
-any-longer Miguel::

Hitomi: (getting up and chucking carrots covered in ranch dressing at
the group but not hitting one of them because, what do you expect, she
throws like a girl) "I'm trying to eat in peace here! When I'm ready to
send you on a wild rampage I'll let you know. Boys! Are you listening
to me?"

Dallet: (sighing as he approaches Hitomi) "They aren't going to stop,
Hitomi-sama. Care to watch Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon with me?"

Hitomi: (rolling her eyes at the rest of the Slayers) "Ne, let's go."




(c)2000 Hitomi-sama