Send ideas etc. to: Hitomi_sama@hotmail.com (RE: Slayers advice)

			Ask the Slayers
Advice . . . or rather, a special editorial of sorts for 2.00-2.15

Gatti: (currently sitting with his feet on the desk, yawning) "Well
minna, things have been very slow around here lately."

Miguel: "Slow? Where've YOU been?" (looks at Gatti and launches into a
long recap narrative that's been abbreviated to save time and space)
"In the last two weeks Hitomi-sama's forgiven Van for being so cruel to
her . . ."

::All the Slayers pause and sigh as sweat-drops appear over their
heads::

Viole: (mutters) "Shimatta, I was having so much fun chasing him around
whenever Hitomi-sama got a whim."

Miguel: "And she's added two new bishonen."

::Prince Diamond (from Sailor Moon) and (male) Maze wave in the
background::

Miguel: "I wouldn't call that slow around here."

Gatti: "I mean in the mail room."

Viole: "Yeah, remember? We got a record amount of mail?"

Dallet: "Zero!" (starts laughing)

Shesta: "We have nothing to write about . . ." (sniffs)

Van: (his voice comes from somewhere no one can seem to locate) "I've
got a topic for you."

::The Slayers, even Viole, seem perplexed at the far off voice::

Maze: "No one was asking you."

Van: "Listen here you arrogant foul-mouthed bishonen . . . Lemme outta
here!!!"

::Gatti opens the closet door to see Van tied up in a rolling chair::

Viole: (leaning over to whisper at Maze) "That your work?"

Maze: "Hell yeah." (smiles with pride)

Viole: (giving Maze a high five) "Right on! But next time, lemme show
you how to gag him so he can't start talking again. I've found that if
you put it on a certain way, no matter how much he tries he can't
talk."

Gatti: (while untying Van) "You guys have to learn how to get along."

Van: "He started it."

::Everyone falls silent as Hitomi enters the room::

Hitomi: "Are you all working on the column?"

Slayers: "Sort of, Hitomi-sama."

Diamond: "What are we supposed to write about?"

Maze: "I say to hell with-"

Van: "There he goes again! Can you ever say a sentence without the use
of curse words?"

Maze: "Shimatta . . ."

Van: "You're a sorry excuse for . . ."

Gatti: (cutting him off so that the argument won't continue) "Hitomi-
sama, would you like to write the column this time?"

Hitomi: "That's a good idea. Arigato."

::All the bishonen gather around like their attending a story time of
some sort::

Hitomi: "Since this is February . . . and Valentine's Day will be
coming soon, I'm going to talk about the importance of bishonen. As you
all know, bishonen are an essential part of anime."

All: "Got that right!"

Hitomi: "What would a series be without bishonen? What would 'Maze' be
without Maze?" (looks at Maze who smiles)

Miguel: "A non-transgender series where the comic relief comes only out
of same-sex jokes and situations."

::Everyone looks at the Slayer::

Miguel: "Nani? It's the truth!"

Hitomi: "What would Sailor Moon be without Prince Diamond?"

::Viole opens his mouth to respond with some witty comment but Dallet
clamps his hand over the Slayer's mouth::

Dallet: "Don't say a word."

Hitomi: "What would Escaflowne be without Van?"

::All of the Slayers prepare to say something against the Fanelian king
but are stifled by a beam of hypnotic light coming from Prince
Diamond's third eye::

Diamond: (knowing how fond Hitomi is of Van) "Don't worry, Hitomi. I
won't let them say anything against him."

Maze: "You're no fun!!!"

Diamond: "And?"

Maze: (growling and taking it as a challenge against him) "That's
it . . . you protect that skinny wuss who stole my voice and . . ."

Hitomi: (ignoring the fight Maze is trying to start with the Negamoon
prince) "Bishonen are what make watching the series enjoyable. I know
there are a lot of otaku out there that agree with me. There's just
this indescribable something about them . . . that makes you root for
them when they're fighting . . ."

Maze: "I'm going to get you! Ha! This'll be fun!!! Look out! Here I
come!!!" (chases Diamond around while yelling "Maha Figa!" and throwing
form at him)

Hitomi: " . . . and feel sad when they're sad . . . they're so cool.
They've got so much style and . . . and skill . . . and
kawaiiness . . . it just makes you wanna have an entire army of 'em!
Right boys!?!"

Slayers: (who have just snapped out of their hypnosis) "Hai, Hitomi-
sama!!!"

Hitomi: "Bishonen are just too valuable to be left out of anime!"

::Maze throws more form at Diamond who jumps out of the way. There's
now a big hole in the wall. Maze flushes, a sweat-drop appears above
his head, and he chuckles::

Viole: "I hope you're valuable enough to pay for that, Maze."

Hitomi: "MAZE!!!" (pauses) "Like I said, bishonen are valuable . . .
but I forgot to mention the fact that they're destructive too."

Maze: "I'll fix that, Hitomi . . . honest I will . . . see?" (takes off
his shirt and tries to cover the huge hole in the wall with it) "Good
as new, right? There you go . . ."

Van: "Geez, baka. You can't fix it like that."

Maze: (yelling) "Who asked you?!?"

Van: "Don't yell at me, I didn't do anything!!! This is all your
fault!!!"

Hitomi: "Did I mention the fact that when around other bishonen they
tend to feel that their bishonen-ness is threatened?"

Maze: "Threatened? By that skinny little . . . ? Ha!"

Van: "Say that to my face."

Maze: "Surely."

Van: "That's it." (unsheathes his sword)

Maze: "Crummy little sword." (powers up his form)

Hitomi: "Heh . . . I better go break this up before there's nothing
left of the wall." (rushes off)

Gatti: "That's it for now. Send us you're ideas and we'll be back on
the 16th!"


(c) 2000 Hitomi-sama