All characters and shows belong to different companies. I don't know
them all and I really don't wanna list 'em. They don't belong to me
though. Not like you didn't already know that.
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Onegai, send ideas etc. to: Hitomi_sama@hotmail.com (RE: Slayers
advice)

			Ask the Slayers
Advice . . . or rather, a little interlude of sorts for 2.16-2.29

::Crickets chirp in the background. All of the bishonen sit around the
computer screen and sigh. Gatti appears to be nodding off. Viole is
waxing his mallet. Dallet and Miguel are browsing through a really
worn-out copy of "Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon Hentai" that they've
looked at so much they're just about sick of it. Guimel and Shesta are
playing poker. Diamond is snoring in the corner. Maze is watching Van
sharpen his sword. A group of new bishonen are twiddling their thumbs
in the corner. Suddenly, Viole jumps up and starts screaming::

Viole: "This sucks!" (grabs the computer screen and starts to shake it
violently) "SEND US MAIL!!! WE CAN'T WRITE AN ADVICE COLUMN IF YOU
DON'T ASK US QUESTIONS!!!"

Gatti: "Viole, stop assaulting the readers."

Viole: "We still haven't gotten any mail. It's depressing."

Miguel: "Get a grip, man."

Viole: "Sure . . ."

Van: "Have a piscus, Viole. It'll be okay."

::The bishonen get the Slayer a chair and pat him on the back::

Diamond: "Would you like me to hypnotize a bishoujo for you?"

::Everyone stares at him::

Viole: "You could do that?"

Diamond: "Yeah, but I'm not supposed to say anything."

::All of the bishonen attack him and call out the names of the bishoujo
they love (minus Van who continues to sharpen his sword). Diamond sweat
drops and pushes them all away with his telekinetic powers::

Diamond: "I only use my powers for good."

Everyone, minus Van: "Shimatta."

Viole: "Arigato . . . but . . ." (still frowning)

Maze: "Cheer up. Say, lets go find us some screechy women."

Viole: "I STILL don't see how you went for Mil. Her voice is like nails
on a chalkboard."

::The new bishonen approach Viole::

Chichiri: "Cheer up, no da!!!"

Tamahome: "Have some money, Viole." (hands Viole a fist full of useless
Konan currency)

Tasuki: "I'll let you hold my Halisen." (hands the iron fan to Viole)

Viole: "Can I . . . play with it . . . ?"

Tasuki: "IIE!!! The 'Lekka Shien' attack is not something to play
around with. You could burn us all to a crisp!!!"

Miguel: "I don't believe we've got ANOTHER pyro on our hands."

::Tasuki takes the Halisen back and hands the Slayer a strip of paper::

Viole: "What's this?"

Tasuki: "Write what you want on that paper and . . . poof . . . you'll
have it!"

::Viole thinks really hard. All the bishonen tap their feet waiting to
see what the Slayer will call for. They intently watch as Viole
carefully writes down some Kanji characters and throws the paper into
the air. A girl with short blond hair appears and smiles at Viole::

Chichiri: "It's Yui na no da!!!"

Tamahome: (running and hiding behind Tasuki and his Halisen and sobbing
like a girl) "Don't let her find me!!! Hide me!!! Don't tell her I'm
here!!! Promise!!!"

Yui: "Viole, shall we go?"

Gatti: (asking the drooling wide eyed Slayer) "Where are you going?"

Viole: "I dunno . . . anywhere . . . don't wait for me . . ."

::Walks out with Yui around his arm, talking and giggling at his bad
jokes and corney smile::

Van: "Least he isn't going crazy."

Chichiri: (talking to Tamahome) "You can come out now, no da."

Tamahome: (shaking) "Your sure she's gone?!?"

Tasuki: "SHE'S GONE!!! STOP BEING A COWARDLY GIRLY MAN AND GET OUT
HERE!!! AND QUIT HANGING ON ME!!! DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR
SOMETHING?!? THAT'S SICK MAN!!!"

Chichiri: "Tasuki, don't yell no da. You'll upset the rest of the
bishonen no da."

Tasuki: (yelling) "DON'T YELL?!!? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HAD
TAMAHOME HANGING ON YOUR BACK AND SOBBING LIKE A GIRL?!!?" (shouting
over his shoulder at a cringing Tamahome) "I SAID GET OFF!!! DO I LOOK
LIKE A TAXI TO YOU?!!?"

Chichiri: "Tasuki . . ." (says his name way too fast and makes it sound
like "taxi") "Tasuki . . . taxi . . . it's the same no da!" (chuckles)

::Tasuki grabs Chichiri by the robe and shakes him with Tamahome still
clinging to his back for fear Yui is around. Chichiri is protesting as
he's being throttled::

Chichiri: "Daaa . . . no . . . daaa . . . no . . . daaa . . ."

Tasuki: "I AM NOT A TAXI!!! I'M NOT TAMAHOME'S HANDKERCHIEF EITHER!!!
AND I'M CERTAINLY NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND SO GET OFF!!!!!!!!!" (unhands
Chichiri and continues screaming at Tamahome) "DO YOU HEAR ME
TAMAHOME?!!? YOU'RE BEING DISGRACEFUL!!! YOU GIVE BISHONEN A BAD
NAME!!! STOP BEING GAY!!!"

Tamahome: "I'm not! I'm afraid Yui's going to take me away and poison
me like she did before. I won't let her get me!!!"

Shesta: "Do you think Viole's going to be okay?"

Gatti: "With that mallet of his? Sure thing."

Tasuki: "HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU ENOUGH TIMES THAT SHE'S GONE?!!? SHE'S GONE
SO LET ME GO!!!" (grabs his Halisen and points is over his back)
"That's it. LEKKA . . ."

Tamahome: "Iie!!!" (shrieks like a girl and jumps into Chichiri's cool
hat)

::All the bishonen stare in amazement as Tamahome disappears::

Tasuki: "That's right, you better go into that hat."

Van: "Where'd he go?"

Chichiri: "Somewhere else, no da."

Van: "Do you always say 'no da'?"

Chichiri: "Hai na no da!!!"

Van: "That's really annoying."

Chichiri: "You'll get used to it no da."

Maze: "Say . . . you sound familiar . . ."

Van: "Y'know, you're right . . ."

Maze: "You sound . . ."

Van and Maze: "LIKE US!!!"

Chichiri: "Coincidence no da?"

Van and Maze: "You stole our voice!!! Get him!!! You're ours no da!!!"

::Van and Maze team up and chase Chichiri around the room::

Gatti: "Well, that's all for now. Hopefully there'll be advice to give
next time. So send us your comments, onegai. I don't think we can
handle another depressed bishonen on our hands. See you March 1st!"


(c) 2000 Hitomi-sama