THERMODYNAMICS 101: AN INTRODUCTION TO PYROLOGY

Viole: "Is that really a word? Pyrology?  You're making that up!"

Hitomi: "I got it out of the thesaurus. I swear, it's the science of
heat."

Dallet: "Good lord, here we go."

::Dallet slowly begins sneaking out of the room. Guimel silently ducks
behind a confused Miguel. Shesta instinctively grabs a fire
extinguisher::

Hitomi: (slightly disappointed) "Boys . . . I'm not going to start a
fire."

Viole: "Heh . . . right . . ." (coughs forcefully in disbelief)

Hitomi: "I'm simply here to instruct. Gatti," (motions for the Slayer
who approaches with a thick gray book) "read us the definition of fire,
onegai."

Gatti: (speaks as if he's formally announcing the arrival of royalty)
"Websters New Collegiate Dictionary defines it as thus, 'the phenomenon
of combustion manifested in light, flame, and heat. One of the four
elements of the alchemists'-"

Guimel: "Go Dornkirk!"

::Everyone pauses and gives Guimel a weird look. The Slayer quickly
realizes his mistake and shrugs::

Guimel: "Gomen nasai, Hitomi-sama. It's . . ."

Hitomi: "I don't even wanna  hear it."

Gatti: "Fire, 'burning passion.'"

Viole: "Passion?" (elbows Dallet and Miguel) "D'ya hear that?"

Miguel: "Woo hoo! Passion, ne Gatti?" (winks at the Slayer)

Dallet: (chanting like a five year old) "Gatti's got passion! Gatti's
got passion!"

Viole: "Who's the lucky lady, ne? Someone we all know?" (winks)

Shesta: (eyeing Gatti suspiciously) "Yeah, Gatti. Who IS this we're
talking about?"

Gatti: (holding up the book) "I'm just reading here!"

Miguel: "Aw, don't try to hide it. We know you've got passion."

::The use of the "p" word sends the Slayers into fits of hysterical
laughter::

Gatti: (clearing his throat) "Fire, 'liveliness of imagination' . . .
meaning a certain group of fourteen SLAYERS!"

::All the Slayers smile not-so-innocently at Gatti::

Gatti: "As I was saying . . . fire, 'fuel in a state of combustion'."
(pauses to make sure no one makes any snide comments about the
definition) "Fire, 'a destructive burning.'"

::All the Slayers look to see Hitomi grinning wildly and chuckling in a
scary Dilandau-like way::

Shesta: "Don't say it, Hitomi-sama."

Miguel: (encouraging her to stay silent) "Hitomi-sama, resist the
urge."

Dallet: (patting Hitomi on the shoulder) "It'll be okay, Hitomi-sama."

Viole: "Keep reading there Gatti!"

Gatti: (frantically flipping the page so he can continue) "Fire, 'a
severe trial or ordeal.'"

Hitomi: "MOREO!!!! Heh heh heh!!! MOREO!!!!" (pauses as she blushes)
"Gomen, I couldn't help it. Shesta, make a note. No Slayer must ever
say the 'b' word in my presence."

Viole: "Daijobu, Hitomi-sama?"

Dallet: "Feeling better now?"

Hitomi: "Yeah . . ." (pauses and chuckles) "For the moment . . ."
(plays with the sleeve of her Zaibach jacket in nervous insanity,
looking like she's about ready to snap and go on a wild rampage with
some form of fire)

Gatti: "Should I continue?" (looks over to see Hitomi nodding wildly)
"Fire, 'the discharge of firearms.'"

::All of the Slayers watch Hitomi bite her lip to keep from screaming
"moreo" again and practically sit on her hands to keep from rushing off
to her exact replica of the Alseides (right down to the stealth cloak
and fire accessories)::

Miguel: (trying to calm Hitomi down) "He didn't mean fire by Guymelef,
Hitomi-sama. Gatti means guns and cannons . . . nothing that has to do
with actual fire."

Hitomi: "Oh . . ." (seems a bit calmer) "But still . . ."

Gatti: "Fire, 'intense verbal attack' and no one better open their
mouth and say anything stupid about that!"

::Silence . . . until Miguel starts chuckling. He tries to stifle his
laughter but fails horribly. Everyone looks at him curiously::

Miguel: (points to Gatti and bursts out in fits of hysteria) "He looks
so funny when he's mad!"

Viole: (joining in) "You're right, he does." (putting a playful arm
around Gatti's shoulders.) "What's the matter, Gatti? You sore 'cause
we're pickin' on you?"

Shesta: "Better him than me."

Dallet: "Quiet squirt, you're next."

Viole: (making his lips into a very exaggerated pout) "We're jus'
playin'! C'mon 'n give us a kiss!"

::All of the Slayers laugh hysterically as Gatti turns bright red (half
out of embarrassment and half out of anger)::

Viole: (laughing along with the rest of them because he was just
playing around-and anyone who thought he wasn't and is gay is sadly
mistaken so don't think like that because he's not!) "Gatti, don't be
such a stiff, lighten up!" (elbows the leader of the Slayers) "Ne, why
doncha go kiss the 'fiery one' over there?"

Gatti: (turning an even darker shade of red) "Go away! Leave me alone!
Go pick on Shesta for awhile."

Shesta: (crossing his arms in offense) "Arigato, Gatti."

Viole: "C'mon, Shesta." (socks him in the arm a few times) "I haven't
picked on you for at least a good ten mintues. You're due."

Shesta: "Remind me to thank you appropriately for this kindness,
Gatti." (continues to glare at him dangerously)

::Silence is heard . . . and is broken by Hitomi's insane chuckles::

Gatti: "Hitomi-sama, daijobu?"

Hitomi: (whispering) "Moreo . . ."

Viole: "She's got fire in her eyes."

Dallet: "Look out, she's going to go on a fiery rampage."

Gatti: "Hitomi-sama, what about these?" (holds up a stack of papers
labeled "Hitomi's experiments in thermodynamics")

Hitomi: "Moreo . . ." (calmly takes her Click 'n Torch and sets the
papers aflame as Gatti holds them)

Gatti: (shouting as he drops the papers) "Hitomi-sama's lost it again!"

Hitomi: "MOREO!!! MOREO!!!" (dashes off to the Alseides) "To the
Guymelefs boys! It's time to paint the town red . . . with flames!"

::All the Slayers hop into their Guymelefs, happy to at least be going
out, even if it is on another crash and burn mission around town::

Gatti: (with a sweat-drop above his head) "Apparently that's all for
this lesson. Until next time, when Hitomi-sama's regained a little more
of her sanity."

Hitomi: (as she flys off in the Alseides) "MOREO MINNA!!! MOREO!!!


(c)2000 Hitomi-sama