THERMODYNAMICS 101: AN INTRODUCTION TO PYROLOGY
Field Test Number Two

(Note to the reader, don't try this at home, okay? This is just for
entertainment purposes only. Number one, I doubt you'd find a big iron
fan that produced flames. Number two, if you do . . . lemme know!
^_^*.)

::Hitomi is currently fast asleep due to the fact that a huge amount of
work has fallen like an avalanche on her head these past few weeks and
lack of time to watch anime::

Van: "Poor thing's exhausted."

Hitomi: (mumbles in her sleep) "Esca . . . flowne . . . Fushigi . . .
Yuugi . . . Sailor . . . Moon . . ."

Diamond: "She's gone too long without a sufficient dose of anime. Is
that safe?"

Gatti: "Who's to say? Just imagine if we had to wheel her into the
emergency room. Twenty-one bishonen pushing Hitomi-sama in a computer
chair shouting, 'We've got a deprived otaku over here! Gimme five
volumes of good anime stat!'"

Maze: (looking at the calendar where Hitomi's handwriting has "Field
Test Number Two" written on a square) "Say, isn't this the day that
Hitomi's giving a lesson in Pyrology?"

Miguel: "You're right."

Chichiri: "Don't wake her, no da."

Tamahome: "What can we do in the meantime? She's the only one who can
teach us."

Tasuki: (puffing his chest like a prideful bird) "She isn't the ONLY
one!" (looking absently at his fingernails)

Viole: "You?"

Tasuki: "Well, I don't wanna brag or anything . . ."

Tamahome: "Are you JOKING?!!? Modest isn't in your vocabulary."

Tasuki: "Watch it girly man."

Van: "Is this safe? I mean, that Halisen of yours is pretty big."

Dallet: "Who's to say you won't burn the place down?"

Tasuki: "Thanks for the vote of confidence, minna."

Shesta: "Aw, just give him a chance."

::Tasuki grabs Shesta around the neck and hugs him a bit. Shesta's
being choked and turns blue which contrasts with the seishi's fiery
colored hair and grinning face::

Tasuki: "Listen to the kid."

Gatti: "Fine, fine."

Chichiri: (holding up a paper and a pen) "Sign this, no da."

Tasuki: (biting the end of the pen and regarding the document)
"Whassit?"

Chichiri: "Liability, no da."

::Tasuki scribbles his scrawling kanji characters on the bottom line::

Tamahome: "Good idea. I'm not paying for his mistakes."

Maze: "No one asked you to with that fake money of yours!"

Tasuki: "Don't worry 'bout it. It's gonna be fine. So, exactly what're
we doing?"

Viole: "An experiment. Gatti, read the paper there."

Gatti: "Our question to answer is: is there a way to ignite non-
flammable butcher paper and reduce it to a pile of ashes?"

Tasuki: (kissing his iron fan) "No problem! Piece of cake!!!"

::Dallet and Miguel are passing out goggles and scrunchies to the
bishonen. As an added precaution, all of the bishonen lay down flat on
the ground::

Tasuki: "I'm not a scientist or anything but . . . I say, hell yeah!
Watch this sucker burn!!! LEKKA SHIEN!!!"

::A wave of fire shoots out towards where the flame retardant paper
hangs from a metal hook hanging from the ceiling. The flames hit the
paper and, in a pathetic puff of smoke, extinguish themselves. Tasuki's
mouth hangs open::

Chichiri: "It didn't work na no da."

Tamahome: (sticking his tongue out at Tasuki) "Ha ha!!! It didn't
work!"

Tasuki: "I . . . don't believe it . . . hey, SHUT UP TAMAHOME!!! The
Halisen's just getting warmed up. Yeah, this time'll do it. So just
stick your tongue back into that mouth of yours! LEKKA SHIEN!!!"

::Another wave of flames flies towards the paper. The result is the
same as before. All of the bishonen, especially the ones that know
Tasuki and his arrogant attitude, laugh hysterically::

Tasuki: "NAN DE YO?!!? HEY, SHUT UP!!! QUIT LAUGHING!!!"

Tamahome: "What's the matter, Tasuki? Can't get that fan of yours to
work?"

Tasuki: (growling) "Go ahead and laugh." (storming away)

Tamahome: (laughing even more) "Aw, what's the matter? Can't stand to
admit that your fan's a dud."

Tasuki: (coming back with a huge container of liquid and splashing it
on the paper) "A DUD?!!? MY HALISEN IS NOT A DUD!!! It's just
this . . . damned paper. LEKKA SHIEN!!!"

::This time, the paper bursts into flames. All of the bishonen watch
until the flames die down and finally go out. The paper is still in
tact::

Tasuki: (grabbing handfuls of his hair in frustration) "DAMN IT ALL!!!
WHY DIDN'T IT WORK?!!? THIS PAPER REALLY IS NON-FLAMMIBLE!!!"

::The bishonen feverishly write down the results looking rather
scientific while doing this::

Hitomi: (rubbing her eyes and yawning) "Ohayo minna." (opens her eyes
to see a puddle of what appears to be water but what smells more like a
type of odiferous fuel, Tasuki insanely throwing wave after wave of
fire at the butcher paper with his Halisen, and the rest of the
bishonen looking as if they had been caught with their hands in the
cookie jar) "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!!?

Tasuki: (putting the Halisen down) "Hitomi . . . gomen . . . I was
just . . . doing the lesson for you . . ."

Hitomi: "WHAT'S THIS MESS? YOU'RE SINGEING THE CARPET!!! LOOK AT THAT
PUDDLE!!! WHAT'S THAT SMELL?!!? IT SMELLS LIKE A GAS STATION IN
HERE!!!"

Chichiri: "Hitomi, this is for you, no da."

Hitomi: (takes the paper Chichiri hands her and reads it) "I, the below
signed, take full responsibility for any mess or damages I have caused
during the field test just conducted. Signed . . . messy kanji . . .
what's that say . . . Tasuki?"

::Tasuki smiles meekly at Hitomi::

Hitomi: "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT TASUKI!!! I WANT THIS CLEANED UP!!! ALL
OF THIS!!!" (gives Tasuki "the evil eye" which causes the butcher paper
to spontaneously combust and be reduced to a pile of ashes)

Tasuki: (grabbing a broom, a vacuum, and various other cleaning
implements) "Well, I'll be damned. It WAS possible."

All the bishonen: "That's our Hitomi-sama for you."

Gatti: "See minna next time. For now, I'm heading out to get some air
fresheners."


(c) 2000 Hitomi-sama