Konnichiwa minna! Hope everyone's having a great time here at the
studio. As you know, it's going to be Valentine's Day soon. Take the
holiday accordingly. Either way you look at it . . . one thing's good.
I'm putting out this special holiday story! In honor of Valentine's
Day, here's a little something I cooked up for the gang . . . me
included ^_^! Yes, this one time the Hitomi I write about will be me.
::Blushes:: I don't usually do guest spots in my fics. This should be
fun. Oh, my Slayers are here too. Just keep in mind that they're MY
SLAYERS here and not Dilandau's anymore. Hope you all enjoy it!!!
***********************************************************************
Disclaimers. Ooo! I LOVE these . . . NOT!!! Escaflowne doesn't belong
to me. My claim to fame is the Click 'n Torch! The idea of "The Dating
Game" isn't mine either. I'm just borrowing it. ^_^*. I'm only trying
to be funny here.
***********************************************************************
Author: Hitomi-sama
E-mail: Hitomi_sama@hotmail.com 

			A "Match" Made in Gaea
		(hai, that was a bad pun about fire)
				or
   "Gomen, bachelor number two demo, you can't set the studio on fire."
     (since the title has two parts you know a certain pyro's in it!)

Host: "Welcome back to the show!" (shuffles the cue cards in his hands
and flashes a smile with his blindingly white teeth at the camera) "Now
on to our next match. The last round was certainly entertaining wasn't
it? Who knew bachelorette number one was actually male when not
fighting crime? Hopefully nothing like that will happen in this round."

::The girl who sitting on the stool beside the host smiles, looking a
bit scared about the possible candidates who are currently whispering
behind the nearby wall. She absently dusts a piece of lint off her
brown pleated skirt::

Host: "Let's meet the lucky bachelorette, shall we? Tell us about
yourself."

Hitomi: "My name is Hitomi Kanzaki. I enjoy fortune-telling and . . . I
was conned into coming on this show."

Host: (chuckling to hide his embarrassment) "Isn't that something."

Hitomi: (muttering under her breath) "If I hadn't lost that hand of
poker to Shesta . . ."

Host: "Well, Hitomi. Let's meet the bachelors shall we?"

Random voices: "Hitomi-sama?!?"

::There is a sound of a scuffle. Off camera punches can be heard along
with occasional death threats and battle cries. Suddenly, there is
silence::

All Bachelors: "Konnichiwa, Hitomi . . ."

Two Bachelors: " . . . sama!"

Host: "Ooo, aren't WE formal? Go ahead and ask away, Hitomi."

Hitomi: "Okay. Bachelor number one . . ."

#1's smothered mumbles: "Mmmff!! MmmMMMfff!!!"

Hitomi: "Bachelor number one? Daijobu?"

Unintelligible bachelor: "MMMFFF!!!"

#1: "Hai!" (mumbling behind him) "Quiet you. I will NOT untie you! I
don't care how many times you threaten to kill me . . . again. Iie, I'm
not scared of you or your friend. No matter how many times he beat the
living daylights out of me."

::Living Daylights is now set on Hitomi's CD player to automatically
play whenever someone says that. The faint sounds of Two-Mix can be
heard in the background::

Hitomi: "Okay, bachelor one. If you could be in any other anime, which
one would you pick and why?"

#1: "I would pick . . . uh . . ." (starts talking to the host) "Do I
really have to answer?"

Host: (laughing) "I'm afraid so. It's not like the bachelorette is
going to go insane and kill you for your answer."

#1: "Uh . . . if you say so . . ." (pauses) "Kenshin?"

Bachelor #3: "Kenshin?!? You've never even SEEN Kenshin!!! Don't lie!
What's worse, lying to Hitomi . . . sama . . . or telling her the
truth?"

#1: (mumbling to the other bachelor) "I dunno, they're kinda the same.
Either way I get clobbered."

Off camera voices: "You're gonna get clobbered no matter what, small
fry. We'll make sure of that!"

#1: "Pokémon!!! Okay? I admit it! I'd want to be in Pokémon!!! The
monsters are all so kawaii and . . ." (breaks down and begins to sob)
"Don't kill me, Hitomi . . . sama . . ."

::Hitomi's eye has developed a serious twitch::

Hitomi: "Poké . . . mon?!?" (pauses and waits for the twitching to
stop) "Bachelor number two."

#3: "He isn't here."

Hitomi: "What do you mean, he isn't here?"

#3: "Well when we were tying . . . I mean, TRYING to get ready to talk
to you, he disappeared."

Another mumbling bachelor: "Mmmfff!!!"

Bachelor number two: "I'm here."

#1 and #3: (gasp and start talking in shaky voices) "Help us,
Hitomi . . . sama . . . !"

Hitomi: "Oh, the other bachelors seem to be afraid of you, number two."

#2: "They have good right to be." (hits the other bachelors across the
face) "That's for old time's sake. I haven't done that in a long
time!!! And look, there's the damn punk who sliced my beautiful face!
All tied up . . . let's play!"

#3: "How'd HE come back?"

#1: "Gomen, I thought he was gone for good." (stands up and addresses
the audience) "Excuse me, did someone make an unauthorized fate
alteration on one of the bachelorettes?"

Hitomi: (not really paying attention to the bachelor's hysterical
babbling) "Number two, if you could be a weapon, what would you be and
why?"

#2: (laughing insanely) "That's easy. I'd be a BLOWTORCH!!!! That way I
could set everything on fire MYSELF without the help of my trusty
Guymelef!" (jumping up and down at the thought of it) "MOREO!!!
MOREO!!!"

#3: "Will someone find Jajuka, ONEGAI?!?"

Host: "Is there a Jajuka in the house?"

::A dog-man rises from the audience and is immediately on the stage::

Jajuka: "Come with me, Dilandau-sama."

Dilandau: "MOREO!!!" (pulls out the Click 'n Torch lighter he had
concealed in his jacket) "MOREO!!! MOREO!!!" (runs around the wall over
to the host and makes several unsuccessful attempts to set his hair
piece on fire)

Jajuka: (chasing Dilandau behind the stage curtains that are highly
flammable) "Dilandau-sama!!! Change back! Change back to Celena now!!!"

Host: "Well, that was interesting."

#3: (whispering to number one) "Maybe we should untie one of the other
bachelors."

#1: (sulking) "Why? The odds for us are good! Fifty-fifty."

#3: "Untie your hostage!"

#1: "Why should I?"

#3: "Because that's an order!"

#1: "Why don't you let yours go?"

#3: "I . . .don't like that look in his eyes and . . . don't want him
killing you at the moment."

#1: "What do you think is going to happen if I let this one go?
Remember, we've got a revengeful pyromaniac running loose through the
studio."

#3: "Well, at least let him sit on the stool. If he can stay on without
falling off."

Hitomi: "I'll ask the same question to the new bachelor taking number
two's place."

#2: "Mmmfff un mmmf mmmmmfff Mmmmf!!!! MMMFFF!!!"

#1: "He says he'd be Escaflowne and kill us all, like he did last
time."

#3: "That's not a good answer."

::There's the sound of a stool falling over and a dull thud as the new
bachelor crashes to the floor. #1 and #3 are currently laughing
hysterically::

#3: "Take that string bean."

#1: "Maybe we should let the other hostage answer."

Hostage: "MMMMFFFFF!!!!"

#1: "Nani? I can't repeat that. My, doesn't someone have a potty mouth.
I didn't know a refined knight like you even knew those kinds of
words."

#3: "He's irritable because he's tied so tightly."

Hostage: "Mmmmffffffmmmmffff!"

#3: "The rope is pulling your hair?"

Hostage: "Mmmmfffmmm!!!"

#1: "C'mon, what's a little hair loss? It's not like you don't already
have enough hair as it is. I don't think you have to worry about
baldness in your lifetime, buddy."

Hitomi: (sweat-dropping and grasping her head because everything's
turning out so badly) "Bachelor number three . . ." (trails off in a
shaky voice) "Are you going to go insane and try to burn down the
studio?"

#3: "Iie."

Hitomi: "Are you going to admit you like Pokémon and start crying
hysterically?"

#3: "Iie."

Hitomi: "Are you going to talk unintelligibly?"

#3: "Iie."

Hitomi: (giving up) "Alright. You win."

Host: "Great! Lets meet the lucky bachelor shall we?"

#1: "HE won?!? HIM?!!? It's not fair!" (trailing off into sobs)

Host: "He enjoys watching anime, flying in his Guymelef, and spending
time with his leader. Please welcome . . ."

::Bachelor number three comes around and smiles as he meets Hitomi's
stunned gaze::

Hitomi: "GATTI?!!?"

Gatti: (slightly blushing) "Ne, Hitomi-sama."

Two hostages: "MMMMMFFFFFFMMMMFFFF!!!!!!!!"

Hitomi: "What's that noise?"

Gatti: "Shesta took Van and Allen hostage."

Shesta (who was bachelor number one if ya didn't know!): "Sure! Blame
everything on ME!!! I wasn't the one who single-handedly tied Schezar
up."

Hitomi: (shouting to the hostages) "Van! Allen! Daijobu?!?"

Van and Allen: "MMMMFFFFMMMM!!!"

::Hitomi runs behind the wall and unties both hostages::

Allen: (growling) "You are SO dead!"

Van: "Oo, how right you are Allen. How RIGHT you are." (points at
Gatti) "You're not going on a date MY with Hitomi. You CHEATED!"

Gatti: "Oh yeah? Stop me! I already won."

Van: "You'll win over my dead body."

Gatti: "For once." (smiles)

Hitomi: "Boys! Matte!"

Allen: "I lost a good deal of my beautiful hair because of you both!"
(points at Gatti too)

Van: "Don't point at him, he's MINE! Remember, Hitomi's MY girl."

Hitomi: (though liking the comment takes offense to how she's being
treated) "Since when am I an object for you to own VAN FANEL!!!"

Van: (apologetically) "I . . . I didn't mean it like that . . .
I . . ."

Allen: (points at Shesta) "There, hope you won't mind that. You're
going DOWN!"

Shesta: "Why do you ALWAYS beat up on ME?!!? Leave me alone for once!"

::Allen begins chasing Shesta around::

Van: "Uh . . . I'll deal with that later! Right now I've got a Slayer
to beat up!"

::Van for once chases Gatti around::

Hitomi: "Not so fast! You come back here Van Fanel!!! Do you hear
me?!?"

::Hitomi begins dashing after Van::

Dilandau: "Hair piece!!!" (makes a mad dash for the host)

Host: "AAAHHH!!! Get that pyro away from me!!!"

Jajuka: "Dilandau-sama!!!"

::Jajuka attempts to catch Dilandau who's going after the Host who's
right behind Hitomi who runs after Van who's chasing Gatti who's two
steps behind Allen who's currently pursuing Shesta::

Host: (yelling breathlessly at the camera) "That's all for the show!
Tune in next time when . . . hopefully the contestants won't chase
after each other!"



(c) 2000 Hitomi-sama